[ cherries ]


by staff sgt. seasons



Day 1

It is now 7.00 in the evening. I have been here nearly eleven hours and this is the first chance to actually have some time to myself. Well I promised myself I would write a journal while I was over here, so I had better start. our plane touched down at 6.30 this morning (local time) we where herded off the plane and into a waiting truck. We where told not to talk to anyone or except any items offered to us as we walked to the truck. I didn't have the nerve to ask why.

The heat washed over me in waves, as we left the airport. God I don't know how anyone can work in this heat let alone fight a war. Well I guess I will find out over the next twelve months.

The rest of the day passed in a blur.

We were taken to recruit camp, where we will be stationed until needed by units in the field. I still feel really sick and apprehensive when I think about being sent out into the field. I could be sent out tomorrow or next week though I hope it will be at least a couple of weeks before I am sent out. Later rather than sooner suits me just fine.

The guys I am bunking with seem OK; they have talked me into trying "jungle rules volley ball". there was some laughter at this so I don't know quite what I have let myself in for. Well I will find out tomorrow I guess. I had better stop writing and get some sleep, as it has been a very long, tiring and hot day.


Day 5

Well it hasn't been as easy as I thought to keep this journal. I just seem to be so busy all of time, I have had to practice continually with my M16 and carry my pack on small patrols around the base. I had to drag myself back into the barracks after the first one. Those packs are just so damned heavy.

Well on a lighter note, I have made several good friends in the camp. We usually sit and have a game of cards or listen to the radio after training. Last night we where having a couple of beers when our drill sergeant dropped in. He is tough but seems OK, so we asked him to join us. He told us some stories about what to expect in the bush and we learned a little about him like why he is called "mad dog" and where he got this North Vietnamese army belt. It looks neat. I might have to get me oneof those. Apparently a friend of his Sergeant Anderson took it for him.Anderson and his Lt. are coming here next week to meet with the brass and according to Sarge may do a little recruiting. I may try to get into their platoon, it sounds like most of their men go home alive and mostly in one piece. Well got to get some shut eye now, as we are up at 6.00 every morning.

Oh yeah "Jungle rules volley ball" well what can I say I have never been so absolutely filthy in my entire life, but it was fantastic fun and for just a short while I could forget why I was here and just have fun. I have a feeling I am going to miss that when I go into the field.


Day 7

It has been a harrowing and unpleasant two day's. we have had four line ups and the camps numbers are getting lower with each one. The news we have heard from the field is that there have been huge casualties in all areas. From the limited news we get it seems Charlie pushed really hard and over ran a couple of bases by sweeping through from the Ho Chi Minh trail.

My days as a recruit are very limited, i may try to get picked when Anderson and Goldman arrive tomorrow. As I have asked some of the more experienced guys and all their replies have been very positive.

I have talked it over with my two best buddies Billy and Tommy. we are being called the three Amigo's' and will be trying to stay together in the field. We usually try to be the other end of the camp during line up's but tomorrow we will be first in line. God how the hell did they talk me into this. I feel sick already and my hands feel cold & clammy when ever I think of shooting at anything that bleeds.

Hey I just had a thought. Tommy would say a light bulb just went off over my head; but anyway I'll get back to the point. I will have to get people to call me by my nick name 'Andy' instead of Anderson. I wonder if you can do that in the field?? All this writing had given me a headache.

By this time tomorrow, I may be assigned to an outfit. I will have to write the first chance I get.


Day 8.

Oh my God. I can't believe what happened. My hand is shaking so much I have to grip the pen hard in case I drop it while I am writing.
I was chosen to be a member of bravo Sq. I was one of the last to be picked just after Sergeant Anderson passed over both Tommy and Billy, I don't know what I am going to do now. I was counting on those two to get me home sane and in one piece.

I keep getting strange looks from the other soldiers. I think this could be because I have been siting in one place with an stunned look on my face for the last five minutes.
I will have to pull myself together if I want to begin earning these guys respect. I don't want them to think I will get them killed or worse.

I am trying hard to put names to faces as it is not one of my good points. So far I think I have four down, and a hell of a lot more to learn.
Lets see. I know Ruiz, Taylor, Johnson and Baker. Well at least their are in the same platoon with me so it's a good start, not like last time in basic. I didn't think I would ever live that down...

There has been some laughter about my surname, but the sarge has taken it all in his stride. Both he and the Lt. seem to have the respect of everyone here and I hope I don't disappoint them when we head out on patrol.


LATER THAT NIGHT

We have been attacked. The first I knew about it was a bright flare landing just in the camp and then a very loud bang. I grabbed my M-16 more by reflex than anything and followed the guys out of the door. We hid in the bunker for the next ten minutes until the shelling stopped. The other guys where so calm. I can't believe the way they just sat and waited. I thought I was going to give away our position my heart was pounding so hard.

We had four dead when we emerged from the bunker. They where just lying there one was smoking after being hit by a mortar. My stomach heaved and the little I had eaten,ended up on the ground unfortunately near the dead guy. I know I will have nightmares tonight and probably for many nights here in. I know it can only get worse from here in. I will have to kill someone before I leave probably in the next few days. I am going to talk to some of the guys hopefully I can talk my way to at least a few hours of undisturbed sleep.

Day 13:
Well I did it I killed another human being. A real live person that loved and bled, just like me.

It all happened so quickly. Strangely throughout the whole fire fight I didn't feel a thing, it was only afterwards that I started to shake and couldn't seem to move any muscle in my body.

I remember the smoke from the guns and the steady drone of the M-60 and the others returning fire suddenly stopped, the sun seemed to stream through the clouds hitting the spot I had fired on and the VC had fallen. It almost seemed like he had been called to Heaven. F**K that is ridiculous. I have no idea why I wrote that. God is on our side. I mean he has to be, He can't be looking over the commies. Could he???

I came back to the present with a jolt as someone shouted Movemovemove. We ran toward the enemy and they hightailed it off to parts unknown.

We had won the fight.

Sarge walked over as I slumped on the ground and put his arm around my shoulder, he helped me to my feet and stayed near me on the way back to the LZ. I don't know what I would do without him, he's like an older brother always looking out for me.

I will have to stop this now as me and the guys are going over to the 'Club' I am going to blow my entire wage and get extremely drunk, maybe that will help me sleep. Nothing else has helped yet.

Me again. I nearly forgot to add that Today is friday. Friday the 13. Appropriate hey....


Day 17: This will be a quick entry as we are off to sin city. It feels strange to be freshly showered, shaven and on my way to a club to meet women and get laid. I also hope to meet up with Billy tonight as he is stationed in Saigon. The lucky bastard pulled a clerks position. Tommy wasn't so lucky he was sent home to a hero's welcome last week. Billy told me he stepped on a mine. It is just so easy to do Charlie hides them so well, they just appear out of no where.

I am going to have to place this journal in a new hiding place as Taylor is getting very interested in what I am writing. ( He probably thinks it is something about him) He keeps trying to read it over my shoulder and I would hate for any of this to be read by others. Well the best hiding place is the last place you would look so I might try and hide the book under Taylor's mattress when he is out of the barracks, that would stop him finding this as he never cleans out his rack himself. How he cons people into doing it for him I haven't figured out yet.

Well this has gone on longer than I thought, I can hear the guys already on the truck so I will write again later.

Andy.


It has been ages since I felt in the mood to write about my time over here.

We have just trudged back into camp wearing a weeks worth of mud and smelling like nothing on this earth. I have more bites and rashes than I can scratch and some of 'em in places I dare not mention.

We arrived back just in time for mail call, I got one letter from dad. I had written to tell him about the guys in the platoon and to reassure him i'm Ok. Now he's coming over here for a flying visit. The letter didn't say why or what was wrong. He has gotten permission to come to the camp and will be here tomorrow. God I wish I knew why he was coming. Guess I will just have to wait and see.

well I'm going to hit the showers and down a couple of beers over at the club and try not to think about tomorrow. I'll write again when I know more.


Today has been so full of surprises, I keep having to grab onto my cot to make sure I'm not being buffeted from side to side. I Don't know quite where to start everything seems jumbled up inside my mind.

Well I suppose I will start with meeting Dad at the Saigon airport. It was great to see someone from home, He didn't stop talking once on the way to the bar but that was Ok it meant I caught up on all the news from back home. By the time we had reached the bar and got a couple of beers I was ready to hear the news that had brought him all the way to this hell hole. I could tell it was hard on him, dad has this unconscious twitch with his lip whenever he has either important or bad news. It was killing me to find out which it was. In hind thought I kind of wish I never found out. Now he has gone I regret the angry words and the punch to the nose that sent him reeling.

I hesitate to put the rest down on paper incase someone reads it but I have to do something, so here goes. Way before I was born my father had an affair with a prostitute of all things. He said they clicked and he was even thinking about leaving mum for a while, one night she told him she was pregnant. And he walked away without looking back. Guess they didn't 'click' after all.

I can't write anymore now, my hands seem to have a life of their own. I'm going for a drink to calm my nerves.


I have 5 minutes before heading out on a mission, but I will take the time to finish what I started last night.

After Dad got my letters describing the guys in the platoon, he said he felt like a thunderbolt had come flying out of the sky. He thought the description of sarge matched the prostitute to a T so he went 'fishing' and phoned up some old mutual acquaintances. They told him that Sarah had a boy and that she had placed him in care, two years later she was killed in a car accident. I suppose the deciding factor for him was that she had specifically asked for her boy to have the surname Anderson, seemingly after dad. I guess this sarah really must of loved him, though at the moment I'm at a loss to know why.

My biggest question/concern now is how to tell sarge I may be his younger brother. I really respect the guy and I don't want him to hate me for it, hell I don't know how I would react if a guy who had a stable & loving home life walked up to me and told me we had the same father after I had to live in orphanages and foster homes.

well I guess that will have to wait until after the mission, we are being called to the chopper now.


I have just woken up in the dispensary, with bandages around my chest and a slight bullet wound to the chest. I'm thanking my lucky stars I took my journal with me yesterday. The bullet went straight through it before lodging in my chest. If I hadn't of had it the bullet would of gone straight through ME and Lt. would be writing a letter home for me right about now. I have asked Danny to pay Sarge a visit and ask him to stop by to see me. Today has been a huge wake up call. None of us are invincible and I just want to at least tell him before something more final happens. I will write more when he has been.

2 HOURS LATER

Well I'm no diplomat, so I choose to just hand Sarge this journal and ask him to read what I had written. I guess this says it all better than anything I can put into words. I lay there on tender hooks as he read. When he finished he quietly and gently shut the book and laid it on my bedside table. I tried to say something, anything as I felt myself suffocating in the oppressive silence. Then a tray clanged to the floor in the corridor and seemed to break the spell surrounding sarge; we talked long into the night about him and about me and my parents.

It seemed like a huge relief to him to have someone to talk to about his childhood. We all see him as such a strong person, who listens and helps us with any and all problems we have, we never think to return the favour.

We talked well into the night and I woke up to find a note folded inside my journal. It read:

Andy,
I went looking for my father a long time ago. when I found him he was playing in the park with his son. I guess that must of been you. I turned and walked away from him and haven't looked back since. But I'm glad to have met you, funny how it took a war to bring us together they usually rip families apart. After all this time I have a brother, someone to call family. You never know how lonely life can be with no one to give a damn about you an I pray you never find out. When you get out of the dispensary we can get a case of beers and talk this through.
Zeke

After reading the letter, I know that a new chapter of my life is just beginning and this one is closing. so I will close this journal, glad that I kept the promise to myself and I will look toward the future and hopefully to a quick end to the war.
Andy.

Day 7

It has been a harrowing and unpleasant two day's. we have had four line ups and the camps numbers are getting lower with each one. The news we have heard from the field is that there have been huge casualties in all areas. From the limited news we get it seems Charlie pushed really hard and over ran a couple of bases by sweeping through from the Ho Chi Minh trail.

My days as a recruit are very limited, i may try to get picked when Anderson and Goldman arrive tomorrow. As I have asked some of the more experienced guys and all their replies have been very positive.

I have talked it over with my two best buddies Billy and Tommy. we are being called the three Amigo's' and will be trying to stay together in the field. We usually try to be the other end of the camp during line up's but tomorrow we will be first in line. God how the hell did they talk me into this. I feel sick already and my hands feel cold & clammy when ever I think of shooting at anything that bleeds.

Hey I just had a thought. Tommy would say a light bulb just went off over my head; but anyway I'll get back to the point. I will have to get people to call me by my nick name 'Andy' instead of Anderson. I wonder if you can do that in the field?? All this writing had given me a headache.

By this time tomorrow, I may be assigned to an outfit. I will have to write the first chance I get.


Day 8.

Oh my God. I can't believe what happened. My hand is shaking so much I have to grip the pen hard in case I drop it while I am writing.
I was chosen to be a member of bravo Sq. I was one of the last to be picked just after Sergeant Anderson passed over both Tommy and Billy, I don't know what I am going to do now. I was counting on those two to get me home sane and in one piece.

I keep getting strange looks from the other soldiers. I think this could be because I have been siting in one place with an stunned look on my face for the last five minutes.
I will have to pull myself together if I want to begin earning these guys respect. I don't want them to think I will get them killed or worse.

I am trying hard to put names to faces as it is not one of my good points. So far I think I have four down, and a hell of a lot more to learn.
Lets see. I know Ruiz, Taylor, Johnson and Baker. Well at least their are in the same platoon with me so it's a good start, not like last time in basic. I didn't think I would ever live that down...

There has been some laughter about my surname, but the sarge has taken it all in his stride. Both he and the Lt. seem to have the respect of everyone here and I hope I don't disappoint them when we head out on patrol.


LATER THAT NIGHT

We have been attacked. The first I knew about it was a bright flare landing just in the camp and then a very loud bang. I grabbed my M-16 more by reflex than anything and followed the guys out of the door. We hid in the bunker for the next ten minutes until the shelling stopped. The other guys where so calm. I can't believe the way they just sat and waited. I thought I was going to give away our position my heart was pounding so hard.

We had four dead when we emerged from the bunker. They where just lying there one was smoking after being hit by a mortar. My stomach heaved and the little I had eaten,ended up on the ground unfortunately near the dead guy. I know I will have nightmares tonight and probably for many nights here in. I know it can only get worse from here in. I will have to kill someone before I leave probably in the next few days. I am going to talk to some of the guys hopefully I can talk my way to at least a few hours of undisturbed sleep.

Day 13:
Well I did it I killed another human being. A real live person that loved and bled, just like me.

It all happened so quickly. Strangely throughout the whole fire fight I didn't feel a thing, it was only afterwards that I started to shake and couldn't seem to move any muscle in my body.

I remember the smoke from the guns and the steady drone of the M-60 and the others returning fire suddenly stopped, the sun seemed to stream through the clouds hitting the spot I had fired on and the VC had fallen. It almost seemed like he had been called to Heaven. F**K that is ridiculous. I have no idea why I wrote that. God is on our side. I mean he has to be, He can't be looking over the commies. Could he???

I came back to the present with a jolt as someone shouted Movemovemove. We ran toward the enemy and they hightailed it off to parts unknown.

We had won the fight.

Sarge walked over as I slumped on the ground and put his arm around my shoulder, he helped me to my feet and stayed near me on the way back to the LZ. I don't know what I would do without him, he's like an older brother always looking out for me.

I will have to stop this now as me and the guys are going over to the 'Club' I am going to blow my entire wage and get extremely drunk, maybe that will help me sleep. Nothing else has helped yet.

Me again. I nearly forgot to add that Today is friday. Friday the 13. Appropriate hey....


Day 17: This will be a quick entry as we are off to sin city. It feels strange to be freshly showered, shaven and on my way to a club to meet women and get laid. I also hope to meet up with Billy tonight as he is stationed in Saigon. The lucky bastard pulled a clerks position. Tommy wasn't so lucky he was sent home to a hero's welcome last week. Billy told me he stepped on a mine. It is just so easy to do Charlie hides them so well, they just appear out of no where.

I am going to have to place this journal in a new hiding place as Taylor is getting very interested in what I am writing. ( He probably thinks it is something about him) He keeps trying to read it over my shoulder and I would hate for any of this to be read by others. Well the best hiding place is the last place you would look so I might try and hide the book under Taylor's mattress when he is out of the barracks, that would stop him finding this as he never cleans out his rack himself. How he cons people into doing it for him I haven't figured out yet.

Well this has gone on longer than I thought, I can hear the guys already on the truck so I will write again later.

Andy.


It has been ages since I felt in the mood to write about my time over here.

We have just trudged back into camp wearing a weeks worth of mud and smelling like nothing on this earth. I have more bites and rashes than I can scratch and some of 'em in places I dare not mention.

We arrived back just in time for mail call, I got one letter from dad. I had written to tell him about the guys in the platoon and to reassure him i'm Ok. Now he's coming over here for a flying visit. The letter didn't say why or what was wrong. He has gotten permission to come to the camp and will be here tomorrow. God I wish I knew why he was coming. Guess I will just have to wait and see.

well I'm going to hit the showers and down a couple of beers over at the club and try not to think about tomorrow. I'll write again when I know more.

Today has been so full of surprises, I keep having to grab onto my cot to make sure I'm not being buffeted from side to side. I Don't know quite where to start everything seems jumbled up inside my mind.

Well I suppose I will start with meeting Dad at the Saigon airport. It was great to see someone from home, He didn't stop talking once on the way to the bar but that was Ok it meant I caught up on all the news from back home. By the time we had reached the bar and got a couple of beers I was ready to hear the news that had brought him all the way to this hell hole. I could tell it was hard on him, dad has this unconscious twitch with his lip whenever he has either important or bad news. It was killing me to find out which it was. In hind thought I kind of wish I never found out. Now he has gone I regret the angry words and the punch to the nose that sent him reeling.

I hesitate to put the rest down on paper incase someone reads it but I have to do something, so here goes. Way before I was born my father had an affair with a prostitute of all things. He said they clicked and he was even thinking about leaving mum for a while, one night she told him she was pregnant. And he walked away without looking back. Guess they didn't 'click' after all.

I can't write anymore now, my hands seem to have a life of their own. I'm going for a drink to calm my nerves.


I have 5 minutes before heading out on a mission, but I will take the time to finish what I started last night.

After Dad got my letters describing the guys in the platoon, he said he felt like a thunderbolt had come flying out of the sky. He thought the description of sarge matched the prostitute to a T so he went 'fishing' and phoned up some old mutual acquaintances. They told him that Sarah had a boy and that she had placed him in care, two years later she was killed in a car accident. I suppose the deciding factor for him was that she had specifically asked for her boy to have the surname Anderson, seemingly after dad. I guess this sarah really must of loved him, though at the moment I'm at a loss to know why.

My biggest question/concern now is how to tell sarge I may be his younger brother. I really respect the guy and I don't want him to hate me for it, hell I don't know how I would react if a guy who had a stable & loving home life walked up to me and told me we had the same father after I had to live in orphanages and foster homes.

well I guess that will have to wait until after the mission, we are being called to the chopper now.


I have just woken up in the dispensary, with bandages around my chest and a slight bullet wound to the chest. I'm thanking my lucky stars I took my journal with me yesterday. The bullet went straight through it before lodging in my chest. If I hadn't of had it the bullet would of gone straight through ME and Lt. would be writing a letter home for me right about now. I have asked Danny to pay Sarge a visit and ask him to stop by to see me. Today has been a huge wake up call. None of us are invincible and I just want to at least tell him before something more final happens. I will write more when he has been.

2 HOURS LATER

Well I'm no diplomat, so I choose to just hand Sarge this journal and ask him to read what I had written. I guess this says it all better than anything I can put into words. I lay there on tender hooks as he read. When he finished he quietly and gently shut the book and laid it on my bedside table. I tried to say something, anything as I felt myself suffocating in the oppressive silence. Then a tray clanged to the floor in the corridor and seemed to break the spell surrounding sarge; we talked long into the night about him and about me and my parents.

It seemed like a huge relief to him to have someone to talk to about his childhood. We all see him as such a strong person, who listens and helps us with any and all problems we have, we never think to return the favour.

We talked well into the night and I woke up to find a note folded inside my journal. It read:

Andy,
I went looking for my father a long time ago. when I found him he was playing in the park with his son. I guess that must of been you. I turned and walked away from him and haven't looked back since. But I'm glad to have met you, funny how it took a war to bring us together they usually rip families apart. After all this time I have a brother, someone to call family. You never know how lonely life can be with no one to give a damn about you an I pray you never find out. When you get out of the dispensary we can get a case of beers and talk this through.
Zeke

After reading the letter, I know that a new chapter of my life is just beginning and this one is closing. so I will close this journal, glad that I kept the promise to myself and I will look toward the future and hopefully to a quick end to the war.
Andy.


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